“D” is for Depression

DI honestly can’t tell you for how long I was depressed. I know I was very depressed between October 2012 and August 2013. But I suspect that my depression started way before that.

It’s a revolving door that thing we call depression. It makes you feel numb and leaves you depleted of all the energy you need to get better. I finally got help after hitting a rather hard wall. I was failing my doctoral program. In a last attempt to rescue myself I saw a therapist who sent me to a psychiatrist.

The following three months were a lot of work. The psychiatrist put me on one antidepressant and one anti-anxiety sleep medication. I was meeting a therapist one-on-one. And I joined an 8-week grief group therapy program. The first success was being able to sleep through the night. Two weeks later I was more cheerful, open to work. A month later I was much much better getting work done. Three months later I went off the meds and slipped again. Not as bad, but bad enough to quit school. Quitting school was painful and set me back further but it also liberated me.

“We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man.” – C.S. Lewis

It’s been almost two years. I am not quite where I want to be but in a much better place. Sometimes, a U-turn is necessary. Sometimes, one must turn back.

There’s a lot of work that I still have left to do but I am no longer depressed, I am simply living.

PS. Last year I wrote a much more cheerful and motivational post that people seemed to have enjoyed a lot. It was "D is for Ditching the Diet."
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4 comments

  1. Keep on! There are several reason why a person get depressed, and many has nothing how she or he is, but has everything who she or he is with. You needed a lot of courage to writte and expose your depression. I found the “easy” that isn’t that easy to get out of any depression. Make peace with your past. Forgive everything and every one. That been said you don’t need and shouldn’t forgot. Forgive yourself. I found many of depressive people are the ones you are hard in self-judging …and them always came along an asshole to agree a stupid thoughts. keep this people away. And live today, and face the fears, and only stupid and hasshole aren’t afraid. Fear is to be faced, and should be questioned, even if it is a person. And walk, if you don’t like runing, it’s good for the health and brain like it also.

    1. Thank you. Yes, I think that unfortunately the taboos surrounding mental illness hinder our ability to recognize the problem and treat it sooner. I will not be making that mistake again.

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