It’s a revolving door that thing we call depression. It makes you feel numb and leaves you depleted of all the energy you need to get better. I finally got help after hitting a rather hard wall. I was failing my doctoral program. In a last attempt to rescue myself I saw a therapist who sent me to a psychiatrist.
The following three months were a lot of work. The psychiatrist put me on one antidepressant and one anti-anxiety sleep medication. I was meeting a therapist one-on-one. And I joined an 8-week grief group therapy program. The first success was being able to sleep through the night. Two weeks later I was more cheerful, open to work. A month later I was much much better getting work done. Three months later I went off the meds and slipped again. Not as bad, but bad enough to quit school. Quitting school was painful and set me back further but it also liberated me.
“We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man.” – C.S. Lewis
It’s been almost two years. I am not quite where I want to be but in a much better place. Sometimes, a U-turn is necessary. Sometimes, one must turn back.
There’s a lot of work that I still have left to do but I am no longer depressed, I am simply living.
PS. Last year I wrote a much more cheerful and motivational post that people seemed to have enjoyed a lot. It was "D is for Ditching the Diet."